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My mother bid Art into my life as she prayed over her ‘babe in womb’—“if the child is a girl let her sing”—then sang excerpts of her favorite arias for my lullabies that wove a musical cloth into my bunting. … Continue reading
I am often asked, “When did you start singing?” The answer depends on what you might believe to be most accurate. My mother tells me that when she was pregnant with me she prayed the baby would sing. After my birth, my mother sang arias from her favorite opera’s for my lullaby’s and my father sang country tunes to me after he returned home from serving in the US Navy during WWII.
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Khalil Gibran told us that out of suffering emerges the strongest souls, that the most massive characters are seared with scars. Marcus Aurelius told us that the impediment to action advances action, that what stands in the way becomes the way. Napoleon Hill told us that every adversity, every failure, and every heartache carries with it the seeds of an equal or greater benefit.
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It’s possible we will have rain mixed with snow–exactly the way March should arrive!
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Long and lovely chat with my cousin. She’s hanging in as best as possible considering taking chemo. Her next treatment is Tuesday, then off for 2 weeks, back on for 6 weeks, off for 2, back on for 6 then wait and see
I wrote this in her card: The illustration on this card reminds me of you. My first memory of you is when we were visiting your mom, and you came home from the beach wearing a black bathing suit. I thought you looked just like a movie star!
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Mom had a tough night, so I am postponing my trip home until tomorrow in hopes she will be feeling improved.
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Better night for mom, so I went home and at the exit from the freeway, I saw that someone had decorated a leafless tree with Christmas ornaments. It made me smile!!!
So, upon reaching home, I saw that I’d put the decorations from the wee Christmas tree the Latte Ladies sent to me during the holidays, and I put them on the nearly bare Lavatera in the pot along the pathway. JOY is contagious!
5, 6, 7 are all a blur because they are similar to one another
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I made chicken crepes for supper~delicious!
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Fast Forward the Clocks! Ugh!!!
Today I listened to stories:
Her: I remember Mom liked to go to the Griffith Park Zoo, where she only wanted to watch the monkeys. We didn’t really like it much. Mostly, we liked rolling down a grassy hill. Pop never took us.
Me: How did you get there?
Her: Usually with the church, unless Mom found someone who would drive us there.
Her: Mom loved pottery and one day she asked my sister Dorothy and me to take her to the Pottery Shop that carried a lot of Franciscan Ware. When we came to dinner dishes display, she asked which pattern I liked best, and I liked the Desert Rose, and Dorothy like the Apple. So then mom surprised us both with a place setting of our choice of pattern and said that for every gift occasion she would add another place setting until we had service for 6.
For years this was the ONLY dinner ware my parents owned. My mother still has most of the Desert Rose, some of which the glaze is completely worn off. I understand there was quite a bit of lead in the pottery, but my brother and I don’t seem to have had any ill effects.
My Aunt’s Apple is all gone.
Every day she suffers with pain, and every night she hopes, “for a better day tomorrow.” Some times she is granted that better day, but mostly not.
Tomorrow I have lunch with the Charbonneau ChicZ, and I perked up Tinkerbell
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Had a lovely time in good company and a delicious lunch of parsnip, onion & turnip soup, salad, stuffed eggs and orange ice cream with Pirouettes Magnifique!
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The morning began uneventful, but changed by 8AM when she fell
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Still in the ER because there are no rooms available upstairs. Treating her with medications and keeping her comfortable.
I’m rebranding FOX news as PIMPING FOR TRUMP or #Pimps4Trump
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The birthday of my cousin, aunt and paternal grandfather.
I should design hospital patient tables, telephones and bed adjustment controls that are user-friendly to blind people!
There is a very slim hope that her legs will strengthen enough to allow her to self-care and return home with hospice.
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Panic!!! She was transferred to a rehabilitation facility, but NOT the one expected.
I only found this out when I called the facility I THOUGHT she was in to see if she’d arrived because the ‘hospital social worker’ did NOT follow through on what she said she would do, and that was she would call me to let me know the ETA.
The receptionist at the expected facility told me to call the social worker, and of course she was on another line, but the person who did answer told me where my mother had been sent, and I told her, “This was not the facility we requested.” Dead Silence, then an offer to provide me the phone number and address.
The fiasco continued when I arrived at the facility to find my mother sitting on the bed in tears in a dark, tiny room with her knees touching the closet door and no room for a wheel chair or walker to sit between the bed and wall, and no bathroom in the room and my mother telling me,
Her: I want to go home
Me: I know, but your legs need to get stronger
Her more forcefully: I want to go home!
A staff person showed up to inform my mother that they were short staffed and it could be up to 30 minutes before someone could help her get across the hall to toilet, so she should plan accordingly.
I said, “this isn’t going to work for her.” So the staff person went to ask about a different room, and someone showed up to take me to see the other room which was a better situation and I agreed and was told it would take 30 minutes to prepare the room, so…
Me: The other room is much better, but it’s going to take a bit of time to prepare it and I have to go home to fix my brother’s supper, but I will return tomorrow
and I left a very upset and forlorn looking and weeping mother.
I explained what happened to my brother and that mom wanted to come home, he very practically stated
Him: Her legs need to get stronger before she can return home
and I said,
Me: Will you convince her of that?
Him: Has to be
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I called the hospital social worker to see if I could speak to the one that made these terrible arrangements, but she was “off for the week-end”. So I explained what happened to the woman on the phone who simply said, “That was an unfortunate mistake.” and I said,
Me: It was very upsetting for a 100 year old patient who just had a heart attack and for me
and she responded, “Well, she’s in a safe place isn’t she?”
and do you want to know what I thought? Go ahead, guess!!
When my brother and I returned the next morning, she was sitting in a recliner and covered with a cozy blanket and sound asleep.. in fact, so asleep we could not awaken her for quite some time and when she did awaken, she wasn’t talking to me!
Then a long-time friend arrived with a box of See’s candy and a card and visited for a bit and then mom began to say a couple of things to me and I teased her and finally, things were a bit better.
Her roommate was WONDERFUL and had been very kind to mom and was a calming presence for mom last night when she got to the new room.
I ordered a sherpa throw that will arrive tomorrow in time to take to her because she complains of being cold
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I gathered up some clothes, labeled them and went to the facility with a THANK YOU bouquet for the roommate, but she’d already been discharged. HOWEVER, mom said she would return tomorrow to have her nails done, so I took the bouquet to the nurse’s station and explained how the roommate had been instrumental in helping my mother settle and asked if they could see that the roommate received it and they agreed.
Our visit went well. Another friend is dropping by later today.
I used the ribbon that had been wrapped around the throw to secure the ‘call button’ to the tray table so she can find it because it keeps falling off the table when she tries to locate it, and then she’s unable to call for help. I don’t understand why facilities that work with elderly, low sighted and sick people don’t have better ways to accommodate the patients!
Her: I realized in the middle of the night when I needed help to toilet that you cannot do this for me, I need to get much stronger before coming home.
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My brother took yogurt and string cheese to her, but she didn’t want the yogurt, and ate little of the string cheese. She did, however, tell him to let me know I needed to add more sauce to the spaghetti! “How does she know?” I asked, “She wasn’t here to eat it!” He shrugged, and I laughed.
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She was pleased to see me this morning. She LOVES Tinkerbell, but told me not to leave her at the facility because she might “go missing.”
I called my cousin around 10:30, and she chatted at length with her niece.
I had a very informative meeting with Taylor, the HR person at the facility. Got brochures for various Pallative/Hospice providers to begin researching, and she made copies of the hospital discharge notes. I also mentioned the sight issues and that someone needed to help mom with menu selections + the call button needs to be secured so it doesn’t fall, and that she had lost weight. Taylor made a note of all I mentioned. I also told her how helpful the lady in the other bed had been for settling mom and Taylor said she would let ‘Maggie’ know the next time she spoke with her.
She was up and walking with the physical therapist when I left.
After reading over the discharge papers at home, I called to let Taylor know one of the medications was left off and needs to be added.
I think she may gain enough strength to return home with Palliative care, and I will feel much relief that I am NOT the one in charge of her medical requirements!
Of course, the dog is the BIG ‘?” to get around.
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I am taking Shortbread cookies and Paris tea to entice her + a video conference with her PC. The PC said, “Hospice” was the better fit since Palliative required office visits.
She’s gaining strength and may be ready to return home by Easter. Make A Wish!
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Thoracic Aortic Aneurysm AKA is like living with the equivalent of an IED in one’s chest
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I just want to stay lost in thread.
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She hasn’t been eating. For two reasons: 1
So, today I took egg salad sandwiches for her lunch, but she wasn’t hungry, so we chatted. I offered a sandwich a little later, but her food tray arrived with a large ham slice, cooked spinach and unbuttered sweet potato. There was no way for her to cut the ham steak, so I offered to do it, and then fed her. She wanted butter on the sweet potato, so I asked and a tiny bit was brought by the aid. She ate several bites of sweet potato, and after cutting up the peach cobbler, she fed herself.
Her: I know I have to eat so I can get my strength back.
Me: Yes, and to come back home
Her: I’ve been pushing myself with the walking, but then I think, what’s the use. My heart may explode any time
Me: But, you could come home and I can fix the foods you like to eat
Her: Whenever I need to use the bathroom, someone else is in it, and then it takes so long to get someone to come help me, that eventually, I don’t need to go
Me: You must go, otherwise you will develop a UTI
Then she began to expresses concerns about what will happen to my brother when she passes. I try to explain, but she doesn’t like the explanation. What she wants is for me to sell my home and move into hers with my son. This is a discussion we have had many, many times over the last three years and we always end up going in a circle with no solution.
When my brother returned home today we discussed mom’s concerns and I suggest 3 possible ideas for him to consider. Then after supper, I thought of a possible 4th idea and presented it to him. He really likes it, and I think mom will be relieved to hear it when I see her tomorrow.
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I visited my house today, chatted with a neighbor over a cup of tea, went for a walk, showered and stopped by to visit mom for a couple of hours. She was pretty cheery, but her mental acuity has been a bit affected. Example:
Her: I thought my ‘stole’ Helen made me was missing and I had everyone searching for it, They even went to the laundry! But, then I remembered Helen never made anything for me, and I realized I had confused a ‘stole’ with the ‘throw’. So I owed an apology. I laughed so much.
Me: And, did they laugh?
Her: No
Me: Well, they just don’t share our sense of humor (we both laughed)
Her: I think this is the same thing that happened with I thought someone had eaten my lunch!
Me: Ahhh, so no one ate your lunch, even tho’ you insisted someone had eaten your lunch?
Her: I think this heart attack may have affected my brain.
Me: Maybe a little, but I think it’s minimal
Her: These pants I’m wearing are really nice
Me: Yes, they are your brown velour pants. I brought them the other day
Her: Oh, these are my pants! (and we laughed until tears rolled down our cheeks)
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My brother is visiting her today. I was going to send some clothes with him to deliver to her, but realized he can’t carry stuff while using his walker. No matter, as I can take them to her tomorrow.
I’m blocking the Irish crochet lace shawlette. Time is of the essence.
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She ate breakfast with a person who claims an interest in learning to crochet, so my mother directed me to
Her: “bring the box of doilies”
Me: After I take out the ones I want
Later
I returned with a sack of several doilies + Pirouettes.
I found her sitting on the bed and she brightened hearing my voice. She confessed to me that she mentioned to one of the nurses/aid that she was struggling with some severe abdominal pain, possibly from constipation, and the reply to her was, “What do you expect at your age?” While that may be true, there’s a lot better, kinder considerate and respectful ways to say it!
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My brother and I went to the facility early so we could have a visit. She was in good humor because she had slept and the intestinal distress has abated!!
We spoke to the physical therapist and he reports mom is progressing very well. My brother asked if she could be home by Easter, but the therapist said “discharge paperwork takes a bit of time and administration is not on site on the week-ends.” So my brother wanted to know if she could be released by Friday, but the therapist thought that might be a little soon. So I suggested Tuesday, and the therapist said he would let administration know to begin the process.
The meeting with the hospice nurse went well. I was happy my brother decided to join us because he could listen to all the details the nurse stated instead of me trying to relay the information.
In the middle of the night it dawned on me that we can move the big desk back to block access to the living room, making it easier to control the dog when there are hospice visits.
Fingers crossed that she is strong enough to toilet herself at night, but if not, I’ll have hospice to provide a list of caregivers to hire for help.
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My neighbor invited me to Tea! We enjoyed lively conversation and a delicious savory puff pastry egg strudel, fruit and some sweets. Oh Joy!!
I stopped to visit with mom. Not as good a day as yesterday, but she had 2 physical therapy sessions, and was sore.
Her: I’m really looking forward to sleeping in my own bed and using a toilet when needed
Me: I’ll bet you are!!
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Success on Wednesday!
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Let the celebration begin with the leafing of trees; buds bursting forth; baby birds chirping ; blue skies with a beaming sun telegraphing RENEWAL! RENEWAL! RENEWAL!
Eggs Benedict, fruit salad, coffee and cheesecake, then off to visit mom before driving my son home.
Happy Easter!
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Home, pick up mail, go for a walk on a sunny, 61º day-Perfect
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Pick up groceries
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Help mom shower, change linens
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Home, visited with a neighbor, rearranged the living room and alcove and cleaned a window–it felt good on a Spring like day
There was a time when I wouldn’t have missed watching the Grammy’s, but things are different now
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I’ve been thinking a lot about expectation and how we live with it daily, but not exactly logically or realistically.
For example, we ‘expect’ to:
but while we know we will age and die and that there will be loss, we rarely think about
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Sleeping a lot and announces when tucking her into bed for the night, “I think I’m getting close to the long sleep.”
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Calamitous day
Reasons to Smile:
Loveuary
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Assembling tax docs is an annual P.A.I.N.
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What if I told you~
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Would have been our 51st Anniversary. If I thought the last 3 years of his life were a slog, I assure you, the 10 since he passed have been brutal.
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This Nutcracker leaves a lot to be desired, but I think I’ve realized how to make improvements.
Got the bedroom and windows cleaned while at my home today
$2.69 for a spool of thread that only cost $.50 40 years ago. LOL
I get to return to my former PC–reason to dance!!!
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The Nurse Practitioner spent an entire hour with me today. Quite a thorough update of my chart and much chat about conditions, concerns, changes, blood pressure, endoscopy, ultra sounds, medication adjustments. Whew! I’m so happy to be returned to the care of those in whom I have confidence. Hurrah!
23?
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I checked the tracking # on USPS for the box sent to Denmark and it shows it was delivered in France!!
WTF!!!!
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Tea at Granny Fi’s was a total pick-me-up! Granny accommodated us by opening a wee bit early, so to thank her, I gifted my Mary, Queen of Scots
My son made a Ruben sandwich for me to eat for supper
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Went to the USPS to show my receipt and after the clerk checking to confirm my experience was told I’d received an email from USPS, but none arrived. Then a different clerk told me to go to USPS.com and request a postage ($31.+) refund, and this is the message I got after spending 30 minutes trying to navigate the webpage
Moral of the story is DO NOT MAIL ANYTHING INTERNATIONALLY!
On a happier note, I finish this guy
I’m going to have a tough time parting with him!
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Her: I’ve been sleeping so much, I think my time is getting closer.
Me: Well, not while I’m in the bed! and we both laugh
Her: I need you to find my funeral arrangement documents, I prepaid, but it’s been a while ago
Me: They’re in the desk
Her: OK, I want you to read them to me
Of course, on the first day I have not had coffee in an effort to lower my blood pressure!
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Leap Year!
The duties here have grown more custodial, attending to needs for the most part, but still we have times when we enjoy a good laugh.
It’s off the fabric and ready for the loose ends to be woven and then it will be blocked, left to dry and ready to wear!
Merry Christmas to Me!
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