February

1

Home, pick up mail, go for a walk on a sunny, 61º day-Perfect

2

Pick up groceries

3

Help mom shower, change linens

4

Home, visited with a neighbor, rearranged the living room and alcove and cleaned a window–it felt good on a Spring like day

There was a time when I wouldn’t have missed watching the Grammy’s, but things are different now

5

I’ve been thinking a lot about expectation and how we live with it daily, but not exactly logically or realistically.

For example, we ‘expect’ to:

• reach a destination and return safely, have the love of our parents,

but while we know we will age and die and that there will be loss, we rarely think about

• deterioration, isolation, loneliness, hunger, homelessness, lack of safety,

11

Sleeping a lot and announces when tucking her into bed for the night, “I think I’m getting close to the long sleep.”

13

Calamitous day

• Garage Freezer dies–all foods lost
• Phone can receive calls, but caller can’t hear our response-Calling Comcast and getting ANYWHERE fast is next to impossible. First appointment available is Thursday–I told them I have a 100 yr old living here, but they could only offer a wait list for tomorrow
• The gardener couldn’t hear my response and I didn’t think to call him on my cell phone, so he missed working today–hope he can come tomorrow
• I’ve been melancholy since Sunday
• Mom’s pain is increasing

Reasons to Smile:

• Phone call from a friend’s son
• Phone call from my husband’s co-worker/friend
• Phone call from a friend I met when I first came to OR
• Message from a long time friend-Sheryl
• Message from my friend in Denmark
• Message from a long time friend-Jan
• Valentine from Jan’s daughter
• Electronic Valentine from my second cousin

Loveuary

15

Assembling tax docs is an annual P.A.I.N.

16

What if I told you~

1. When my mother gasps and moans in pain, it’s a stab in my heart, yet I remind myself this is about her pain and not mine
2. When I think about living in the cracks between my mother’s home and mine, I remind myself this is my purpose for now
3. How I anguish for hours through the night over how to protect my child after I am dead, I am disconsolate
4. That I know this is taking a toll on my health, but it is unavoidable
5. That I know I should be exercising, but I crochet instead
6. That I know a crisis is brewing, but I cannot hold back a Tsunami
7. That on the bright side, my mother is enjoying the new recliner
8. That my brother does not complain
9. The the dog lives-she just came indoors and upon realizing my brother was eating a croissant, threw her treat on the floor and made a bee-line to sit in front of his chair and beg a bite!
10. That my friend is pleased with his Amigurumi ‘cats’
11. That I am nearly finished with a Nutcracker
12. and, that I have completed ‘Tink’

17

Would have been our 51st Anniversary. If I thought the last 3 years of his life were a slog, I assure you, the 10 since he passed have been brutal.

18

This Nutcracker leaves a lot to be desired, but I think I’ve realized how to make improvements.

• Use thread, not gold lame` for bullion stitches + other embellishment
• Center the jacket better
• Put the eyes closer together
• Make the epaulet separately, then attach
• Ch 15 for mustache
• Make each leg separately, then attach with a ch 2
• Make Romanian cord for arm cuffs

Got the bedroom and windows cleaned while at my home today

$2.69 for a spool of thread that only cost $.50 40 years ago. LOL

I get to return to my former PC–reason to dance!!!

22

The Nurse Practitioner spent an entire hour with me today. Quite a thorough update of my chart and much chat about conditions, concerns, changes, blood pressure, endoscopy, ultra sounds, medication adjustments. Whew! I’m so happy to be returned to the care of those in whom I have confidence. Hurrah!

23?

24

I checked the tracking # on USPS for the box sent to Denmark and it shows it was delivered in France!!

WTF!!!!

25

Tea at Granny Fi’s was a total pick-me-up! Granny accommodated us by opening a wee bit early, so to thank her, I gifted my Mary, Queen of Scots 

My son made a Ruben sandwich for me to eat for supper

26

Went to the USPS to show my receipt and after the clerk checking to confirm my experience was told I’d received an email from USPS, but none arrived. Then a different clerk told me to go to USPS.com and request a postage ($31.+) refund, and this is the message I got after spending 30 minutes trying to navigate the webpage

Moral of the story is DO NOT MAIL ANYTHING INTERNATIONALLY!

On a happier note, I finish this guy

I’m going to have a tough time parting with him!

28

Her: I’ve been sleeping so much, I think my time is getting closer.

Me: Well, not while I’m in the bed! and we both laugh

Her: I need you to find my funeral arrangement documents, I prepaid, but it’s been a while ago

Me: They’re in the desk

Her: OK, I want you to read them to me

Of course, on the first day I have not had coffee in an effort to lower my blood pressure!

29

Leap Year!

The duties here have grown more custodial, attending to needs for the most part, but still we have times when we enjoy a good laugh.