On Your Way, Soldier

Not all soldiers serve in the military…

Rhino Strikes Again!

If you are a regular reader of my Hide A Heart blog, then you know that I suffer ‘rhino-principle’–which is to say I NEVER believe I am UN-able to make or do anything! I am certain I developed this ‘principle’ due to listening to THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULD everyday of my early childhood! “I think I can. I think I can. I know I can!” 

soldier on

“To continue doing something with determination or resolve, despite difficulties or an unlikely chance of succeeding.” (dictionary. cambridge.org)

While on my walk today, I found my thoughts drifting to several last conversations with my husband. I decided to use ‘free associated’ thinking: Definition of free association: the expression (as by speaking or writing) of the content of consciousness without censorship as an aid in gaining access to unconscious processes especially in psychoanalysis. (Merriam-Webster dictionary) to reach ‘beyond the veil’, if that’s even possible, and try to discover how he would respond to the challenges in my life.

Conversations with the Dead

Me: Remember when you said, “I’m worried about how I shall find you after we’re dead?”, and I quipped, “Just look for the brightest star!” I watched your face cloud over, but I didn’t come to you, and ask if you wanted to discuss deeper feelings. I feel bad about that.

Him: You were trying to protect me.

Me: Well, I don’t think I was being completely altruistic….I think I was trying to protect us both. I never wanted you to see my crying or how scared I was feeling…how I could barely breathe… because I thought it would upset you, so I used humor to keep everything on the light side. In the long run, I guess it wasn’t the worse choice.

Remember when I told you I didn’t think I could hold the boys together…that I wasn’t you? 

Him: I reminded you that you are wonderful.

Me: I don’t think I can face dealing with two severely dysfunctional people at the same time.

Him: Yes you can.

Me: I am not as strong as people think.

Him: Yes, you are….remember, you are a Titan Woman, Princess.

The Little Engine that could

Me to myself: “On your way, soldier”, recalling this scene from the STARZ series based on the the book  OUTLANDER by Diana Galbadon….

I find sometimes strength comes from the most unusual sources.

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About marycatherinelunsford

On the quest to reinventing, Morphing into Author is my newest adventure.
This entry was posted in Back Stories, Tapestry of Life and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to On Your Way, Soldier

  1. Mary Lou Caramella says:

    Truully a fear.

  2. Gerry Phibbs says:

    a nice bit of romantic reminiscing Cathy.. There is no separateness – each is part of the other, together you surmount the sum of your parts. Kinda like finding your left foot with your right. You know it’s location without even touching..

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