On Your Way, Soldier

Not all soldiers serve in the military…

Rhino Strikes Again!

If you are a regular reader of my Hide A Heart blog, then you know that I suffer ‘rhino-principle’–which is to say I NEVER believe I am UN-able to make or do anything! I am certain I developed this ‘principle’ due to listening to THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULD everyday of my early childhood! “I think I can. I think I can. I know I can!” 

soldier on

“To continue doing something with determination or resolve, despite difficulties or an unlikely chance of succeeding.” (dictionary. cambridge.org)

While on my walk today, I found my thoughts drifting to several last conversations with my husband. I decided to use ‘free associated’ thinking: Definition of free association: the expression (as by speaking or writing) of the content of consciousness without censorship as an aid in gaining access to unconscious processes especially in psychoanalysis. (Merriam-Webster dictionary) to reach ‘beyond the veil’, if that’s even possible, and try to discover how he would respond to the challenges in my life.

Conversations with the Dead

Me: Remember when you said, “I’m worried about how I shall find you after we’re dead?”, and I quipped, “Just look for the brightest star!” I watched your face cloud over, but I didn’t come to you, and ask if you wanted to discuss deeper feelings. I feel bad about that.

Him: You were trying to protect me.

Me: Well, I don’t think I was being completely altruistic….I think I was trying to protect us both. I never wanted you to see my crying or how scared I was feeling…how I could barely breathe… because I thought it would upset you, so I used humor to keep everything on the light side. In the long run, I guess it wasn’t the worse choice.

Remember when I told you I didn’t think I could hold the boys together…that I wasn’t you? 

Him: I reminded you that you are wonderful.

Me: I don’t think I can face dealing with two severely dysfunctional people at the same time.

Him: Yes you can.

Me: I am not as strong as people think.

Him: Yes, you are….remember, you are a Titan Woman, Princess.

The Little Engine that could

Me to myself: “On your way, soldier”, recalling this scene from the STARZ series based on the the book  OUTLANDER by Diana Galbadon….

I find sometimes strength comes from the most unusual sources.

About marycatherinelunsford

On the quest to reinventing, Morphing into Author is my newest adventure.
This entry was posted in Back Stories, Tapestry of Life and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to On Your Way, Soldier

  1. Mary Lou Caramella says:

    Truully a fear.

  2. Gerry Phibbs says:

    a nice bit of romantic reminiscing Cathy.. There is no separateness – each is part of the other, together you surmount the sum of your parts. Kinda like finding your left foot with your right. You know it’s location without even touching..

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